Miss P!

We had a play date with sweet Karsyn today! I can't wait until Karsyn and her momma move to town too so we can hang out all the time!

Miss P has been constantly making us laugh with her good dance moves! Hope this brings a smile to each of you as it always does to me!  

Triggers

Grief is a weird thing. You literally don't know how you are going to be hour by hour. And you never know what is going to trigger a breakdown!

The days after a bad nights sleep seem to be my worst days. I guess the lack of sleep makes my emotions less controlable. Friday was one of my worst days. Reality hit me in the face first thing when I woke up. I felt like I was suffocating. I got up and walked outside to try to breathe in fresh air. I ended up walking with Preslee down the street while hysterically crying.

Lisa, Preslee and I went for a drive a little later and decided to visit Lisa's sister. She lives past the lake and as we crossed the dam, I unexpectedly had a panic attack! I have been to the lake all my life but during college, Matt's family got a ski boat and we went all summer long. I have some of the best memories with Matt on the boat. As I crossed that lake, memories that I had even forgotten came flooding back to me. It was a trigger that I never would have guessed would have caused me so much pain. My whole body was shaking and as I was driving Lisa actually had to tell me to breathe.

I am scared of bad days and I am scared of triggers! And coming off of post-partum depression, I am scared of being depressed the rest of my life. I know that eventually the pain won't be so bad but not knowing how long until that will be is very frightening.

I find myself saying things that Matt would say or telling others about stuff Matt would say or do. I don't want to forget anything and I want Preslee to really feel like she knows who her dad was... Not just her dad the news anchor or her dad who was sick a lot. I want her to know his funny sense of humor, his obsessive personality, things he liked or didn't like. I want her to know everything about him and I am determined to do all that I can to make sure we both go through life remembering him!

Most days I don't feel like blogging. But I do want to let you readers know that I am making it. But most of all, I want to journal bad times as well as good times. I hope to blog soon about Preslee and share some recent pics but right now I am just writing to journal and get these thoughts out of my head so that I may have some peace at some point when I re-read this when the pain isn't as intense.

Thank you again to everyone involved with the silent auction! Those fab 5 who coordinated it, the ones who donated items and the ones who bid and contributed to the Preslee Turner fund... I can never thank you enough!

2 weeks

It's been 2 weeks since I last saw Matt. I was going to my parents for the weekend and left with Preslee and Romeo after dinner on Thursday night. We had a great time during his dinner break that night! We sat on the couch and laughed at everything Preslee was doing. I am so thankful for those last moments I had with him. I am thankful that I hugged and kissed him when he left. I am thankful we had one last good night together!

I do wish that I hadn't left town and that I could have been with him on Friday and Saturday. I will always have questions about his last moments but I believe everyone has a birthdate and death date that is completely in God's hands. I just wish I could have been with him until that last moment he was here on Earth.

Evenings are still the hardest on me. It was his time of the night and he wanted me to stay up late so that we could just spend time one on one. He would be so happy when I wasn't asleep when he got home from work or when I needed to get up to feed Preslee or pump. So now when I am up late in the night, I wish I had my night owl buddy with me. I miss him every minute of the day but at night I just can't get the pain in my stomach to go away.

But once again, I have a reason to get up everyday and the stuff Preslee is doing these days just literally cracks me up! Her new favorite thing is to dance. I am so thankful Matt got to see her dance for the time to music but if he could see her bob her head and bounce up and down when she hears music today, I know he would just fall in love with her all over again like I do!

(I will try to get a video of the dancing to share! I know it would make all of you smile like it does me!)

I know I don't have to continue to thank you for all your comments and prayers but I just want you to know that while I may not be able to email everyone back or thank you individually... I read every comment, email or text and I truly appreciate every single one of them!

Praising Jesus.

First of all, thank you to my blogging friends and community for the silent auction and the cards & comments you have written to me. I really have no other words than I appreciate them more than you will ever know!

I know at some point in the grieving process that I may be angry for what has happened but at this time, I just keep thinking of all the blessings that God has given me and I also keep seeing how God's plan has been in place and working towards this day for a long time without me realizing.

My number one blessing and the reason I get out of bed every day is Preslee. I stopped to think this week that maybe God had me go through infertility for the amount of time that I did because he knew that I needed this particular child and at this particular age to keep me going. I even wonder if he gave me a girl, even though he knew how badly Matt "thought" he wanted a boy. She obviously changed his heart the minute she was born but maybe he knew that I needed a lifelong friend. She is my buddy today and I know that she always will be and I am forever grateful for her!

I learned through my struggle with infertility that there are good days and bad days and that you need support any way you can get it. Right now prayers are getting me through this. During part of my infertility journey, I found comfort that others had walked down the same road as I was, had felt some of the same emotions and came out on the other side and survived. I have had some women already reach out to me that share this same tragedy and I know at some point down the road, they will give me much support and comfort knowing that I am not alone. During the middle of the fertility struggle, I would never have thought that I would be finding any good from the pain I went through but today I am praising the Lord for the lessons I learned from that time in my life.

My family has been extremely supportive of me. I have always been aware of how truly blessed I am by my having my mom and dad. I was fortunate to have parents that would do just about anything to make sure I was happy and taken care of and that has never stopped. I hope that I can give Preslee the same comfort in knowing that I am always on her side and will love and support her for the rest of my life.

Matt's family has always been graciously loving to me. I could not ask for a better family to call my own. They are have been wonderful to me for the 12 years that we have been together. Matt would even tell me that they loved me more than him which I don't think was possible but it did make me feel good knowing I was welcomed into such a great family!

I think that I might have the best friends that anyone could ever want, need or hope for. I have so much love and support from people I have become friends with throughout my life. They all have text, called, emailed and visited me this week and are willing to do absolutely anything I need from them. I hope that I can repay them some day by being as kind to them as they have been to me.

My hometown of Arkadelphia has just opened their arms around me and has shown me more love and support than I even know how to accept. I lived here for 23 years and have been gone almost 6 but I almost feel as though I never left. There is just something to be said about small towns and I would not be anywhere else but here right now!

I ache with my entire being to just talk to Matt and feel his warm body. I don't know how I am even living right now without him. We were extremely close and talked all throughout the day. I miss our daily life together. I miss texting him about things Preslee is doing, I miss making sure I had dinner ready when he got home, I miss saving shows on the dvr so we could watch them late at night. I miss buying all his many snacks at the grocery store, I miss seeing Romeo and Preslee get excited to see him when he walked through the back door, I just miss him! I can't get over the fact that I will never see or talk to him again.

BUT...I am extremely thankful that I know that Matt is in Heaven and he is healed. Not many people really knew how bad he was feeling. He had many days that were just by a miracle that he was able to get out of bed and go to work. It was a daily struggle for him to try to live a normal life but the physical pain was always there. He was a great actor when he needed to be. He didn't want to burden everyone else with his illness and apologized to me frequently that I was "stuck" with a sickly husband. I would tell him to stop saying things like that and that I loved him no matter what and I truly meant that! Don't get me wrong, life was not easy taking care of someone who didn't feel good and then got harder once I had Preslee to take care of too, but I am thankful for the life we had together. I will always be sad there wasn't more of it.

In the note he left me on his phone, he asked me to "Please remember me for the good times and not the years when I became frail, sick, weak and moody. Please remember me as a man who would do anything for his family and who cared about them more than anything else."

So I am going to try to honor his wish and I am going to praise Jesus for the good times we had together and I am going to share all of our good memories with Preslee so that she knows how wonderful of a man her daddy was!

Thank you again for all your prayers. I feel them all day and I truly believe they are the reason I can put one foot in front of the other and make it another day without my sweet Matt!

Silent Auction for The Turners

Beginning today, there is a Silent Auction being held on several blogs with all the proceeds going to benefit Julee and Preslee. 

For a detailed explanation of how to list items or how to bid on items for the auction, go HERE. 

Visit any one of the following blogs to access the silent auction:

Life in the Green House

Life Sweet Life

Knee-Deep In Munchkin Land

SheShe Made Blog

The Getts Times

A big thank you to the bloggers behind the blogs listed above. Thank you all for your hard work to make this silent auction possible. Also, a huge thank you to each person who is donating items for the auction. You continue to bless the Turners with your incredible acts generosity. 

Information on the memorial fund: 

Preslee Turner College Fund

Summit Bank

PO Box 965

Arkadelphia, AR 71923

Online donations can be made to the memorial fund through this link:
https://www.summitbankdirect.com/donations.php

Thank you again and again for each and every way you have loved, supported and encouraged this family. Most of all, thank you for your continued prayers for them. 

-Jennifer Francis

Memorial Fund Information

I wanted to share with everyone that a memorial fund has been set up in honor of Matt Turner at Summit Bank. 

Preslee Turner College Fund

Summit Bank

PO Box 965

Arkadelphia, AR 71923

You can also visit this link to Summit Bank to make an online donation to the memorial fund:  https://www.summitbankdirect.com/donations.php

Thank you again for the incredible outpouring of love and support that has been shown to Julee, Preslee and their entire family in the last week.  Please continue to pray for them in the days, weeks, and months ahead. 

-Jennifer Francis

Memorial Service

Matt's memorial service will be streaming live on www.thv2.com for anyone that would like to watch. 

Thank you over and over again for your comments and most of all your prayers!

Matt.

I just wanted to express my gratitude in a small way by saying that the outpouring love and support for Preslee and me has truly knocked me off my feet. I can't believe what I am seeing in regards to the amount of people that are constantly praying, to the people that are willingly donating and contributing to make sure that our Preslee is taken care of!

There is no way that I can even explain how I am feeling right now. I am a planner and this was definitely not in my plan but I know that it's part of God's plan and I am trying my best to trust in it. I know that having Preslee by my side will get me through this unbearable pain. And I am thankful that she is too young to understand and she will grow up seeing how much everyone loved her father!

I am in just complete shock right now but know that very hard times are ahead. Your prayers are getting me through this initial phase but I will need God to give me strength to get through the next months ahead.

I plan to continue to blog as much as possible not only to benefit my family to keep up with Preslee but to share with others who have shown their love to me through the blogging & social media world. Matt loved that I blogged and he loved to proof read my post and give me a hard time about how "incorrect by news standard" my writing would be! I told him I love exclamation points and didn't care if I had run on sentences! Ha! Then he always wanted to read the comments to see what everyone said. I even just found myself thinking that I should have him read this before I hit publish.

I can hardly make sense of what has happened. All we know is that something must have happened to him to cause him to be unconscious because the car behind him said he never hit his breaks as he traveled over 500 feet off the road before hitting a concrete post. The first to his tahoe couldn't get him out but they said he was definitely not awake before his car caught fire.

Matt was always thinking ahead and actually had something written to me in his phone notes in case anything ever were to happen to him. My first request was for someone to please try to get his phone. I HAD to have that phone! At the time, they weren't sure that they could salvage anything after the fire but the only thing that I have received so far was his phone!! He had a lifeproof case on it and it withstood a fire and was laying in a puddle of water but his phone is perfectly fine! I thank the Lord for letting me have that phone so I could read those words that he wanted me to read!!

Once again, I can never say thank you enough for your prayers, love and support during this heartbreaking tragedy!


-I am attaching Matt's obituary for anyone who doesn't live around here to read it in the papers.

Matthew Gary Turner, 32, of Little Rock went home to be with the Lord on Saturday, October 6, 2012 following a car accident. Matt was born January, 8 1980 in Arkadelphia, AR. He was the first son of Lisa and the late Gary Turner.

He attended Arkadelphia High School where he played football and baseball. Matt began his college career at University of Southern Mississippi before transferring to his hometown where he played quarterback for Ouachita Baptist University. He graduated with degree in Mass Communications.


Matt met the love of his life, Julee Bell in their hometown of Arkadelphia and began dating in September 2000. They were married January 13, 2007 at Third Street Baptist Church, where his father was a long time pastor. His dream of a family was fulfilled when his daughter, Preslee Bell was born November 29, 2011.  

Matt started his media career by doing high school play-by-play, serving as an intern at Hootens Football Magazine and KATV Sports. He was hired by KNWA (NBC) in Northwest Arkansas in 2003. He first covered the Razorbacks and then was promoted to nightly news anchor in 2006 before moving to Little Rock to work as the nightly news anchor at Today’s THV in August of 2012 (CBS).

Matt was voted best news anchor by several publications, was named to the Arkansas Business Journal's "40 Under 40" list for achievement in business, and won first place for a sports story by the Arkansas Society of Professional Journalists. He was considered a rising star in the television news business.

He volunteered his time at numerous charities and had a heart for cancer research after losing his dad to cancer seven years ago.

Matt always loved and protected his family and his greatest asset was his love for his daughter Preslee.  He always put his family and friends ahead of himself and was constantly thinking ahead and planning on their behalf. Matt was proud of his hometown and never missed a chance to return home to visit family and friends. Matt was a man of integrity and had a strong faith in God.

He is survived by his wife Julee of Little Rock and his daughter Preslee. He is also survived by his mother Lisa Turner of Arkadelphia and brother Andy Turner (Chelsey) of Benton and his grandparents, Ray and Hilda Wingfield of Arkadelphia and E.T. Pruitt of Gurdon.

Visitation with the family is Tuesday, October 9, from 6-8 p.m. at Third Street Baptist Church in Arkadelphia.

A Memorial service honoring Matt’s life will be Wednesday, October 10, at 1p.m. at Third Street Baptist Church.

A private burial service for family will follow.

In lieu of flowers, a memorial fund has been set up at Summit Bank and Southern Bancorp for Julee and Preslee Turner.